"Glee" Recap - Season 2, Episode 15: "Sexy"
Here's the short, to-the-point recap of Glee's "Sexy" episode: The Gwyneth rocked. So did Brittana and their legitimately heart-wrenching exploration of their feelings for each other. Some of the songs also rocked. Some sucked. But nothing sucked quite so much as Will trying to get his sexy on. Can you say, "I just threw up a little bit in my mouth?" We just did, bitches.
But OK, fine. The plot. Will thinks the key to winning Regionals lies in sexing up the Glee choir, and who better to help with this than our favorite sub ever, Holly Holliday, who makes an Olivia-John-circa-"Grease"-tastic entrance and gets right to it with regard to giving the Gleeks "the diddy on the dirty." They sings some songs, they drops some earthy one-liners.
At first, it seems like that's all the episode is going for, which, frankly, is fine with us. We heart "Glee" when it's at its silliest and most sacrilegious. But the show actually has some interesting and touching moments up its sleeve.
Exhibit A: Kurt's dad delivers the best sex talk ever, while also managing to hit upon some genuinely important emotional considerations for male same-sex relationships, namely that two emotionally strangled men (we're going to translate that as "men, full stop") plus sex often equals hurt feelings, the temptation to just think from the waist down, and the very real possibility of STDs. Good point, Kurt's dad. Best line: "Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter."
Exhibit Bi: Brittany and Santana finally have The Talk. A session in resident sex therapist Holly's "sacred, sexy sharing circle" and a lovely rendition of Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" later, and holy plot twist, Batman. Santana's the one who gets all vulnerable and wants to take it to the next level and Brittany has to let her down gently because she's doesn't feel right about breaking up with Artie. Didn't see that one coming. Props for catching us napping, "Glee" writers, but we agree with Santana: Lame. (And sad!)
Other developments of note:
- Lauren and Puck almost make a sex tape, but decide against it when Holly points out that they could go to jail for trafficking in child pornography ... of themselves. Yeah, we're confused, too.
- Turns out Emma and Dr. Dentist haven't had sex four months into marriage. Apparently they cuddle -- a lot. And they watch "the housewife shows," which are "so so racy." (Guess who said that?) This was promisingly weird until Emma confessed to some unresolved feelings for Creepy Will (that's his new name).
- In the "we almost missed it and aren't even sure we care" category, Qwa'Finn are getting it on. Or at least it looks that way. Until prom, anyway.
- Sadly, Sue was mostly absent, although her cameo at the Warbler's coffee shop to harvest singers for that Aural Intensity gig they keep teasing us with was sweetened by a glorious throwaway about grabbing a cuppa for her "piping hot enema."
- Oh, and Will wants to rub his grunty, creepy, heavy-breathing self all over Holly. Now we can't really fault his taste, but -- ewwww.
- In better news, we're hoping this means we can look forward to more guest appearances by The Gwyneth.
And that's what you missed!
Or is it? On the whole topic of sexy, did anyone happen to catch that GQ "Glee Gone Wild" photo shoot last November? Refresher: Cory Monteith (Finn) and Dianna Agron (Quinn) are mere background to the pervy glory that is Lea Michelle (Rachel) slutting it up in a whole bunch of next-to-nothing. Now that's sexy. It's also utterly out of date, but we thought, "Glee ... sexy ..." and next thing we knew Google was on fire. This is our present to you:
That's what you really missed.
"Do You Wanna (Touch Me)" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts (Holly): Gwyneth starts things off with a bang. Hey Gwyneth, we just want to take a moment to apologize for our harsh critique of your less than stellar singing performance at the Oscars. To be fair, it was live, there were a crap ton of people in the audience, your dress was tight, the song kind of blew, it was the OSCARS -- we get it. Not your fault. Truth is, we think you le rock. Just stay away from that pseudo country crap, OK?
"Animal" by Neon Trees (Blaine, Kurt and the Warblers): The setup for this was so that the Warblers could test drive their sex appeal with the girls of their sister school, Crawford Country Day, in preparation for the Regionals competition next week. Blaine asked, "Do we make your knees turn to jelly?" And the answer is, "No, Blaine. Just our stomachs." On the plus side, at least Kurt got a chance to sing, Lady Gaga rawr gestures and all. OK, wait, there's more. What part of you just can't get gayer than this performance didn't occur to these pale young private school boys trying to turn on ... a bunch of girls? And why are the girls acting all excited and turned on a la Beatlemania? Not to mention, did we see that last part correctly? Did Kurt and Blaine really race up the ladder to unleash what looked like nothing more than a giant spooge cannon? We laughed, we'll give them that.
Prince's "Kiss" (Will/Holly): Where to start? First, we just want to go on record as saying we really really wanted this one to work. Nevertheless, Will's attempts at "sexy" came across more creepy than anything else. Also, Will should have stuck with the lower registers -- we had to lipread to tell who was singing the falsetto at first. And maybe they could have, oh, I don't know ... reinterpreted the song? Also, that mackdown in the choir room after the fantasy tango scene in front of the teenaged backup band? Awkward.
"Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac (Holly & Brittana): Great song and excellent singing all around. Especially poignant were the sad little looks between Brittany and Santana. The side glances from Holly to Creepy Will, not so much.
Starland Vocal Band's "Afternoon Delight" (Puck/Dr. Dentist/Emma/Quinn/Rachel): We're retitling this one "When the Surreal becomes the Sublime."
Holly: "OK, so sex: it's just like hugging, only wetter."
And then the sex questionnaire: "OK, so let's start with the basics. Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"
And in response to Rachel's protestations of celibacy: "Oh, well I admire you. While I do think you're naive and possibly frigid, I do admire your choice."
And to finish off her sex education seminar: "So just remember: Whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've had sex with ... and everybody's got a random."
Sue: "As you no doubt have heard, I've taken over for the coach of Aural Intensity."
Kurt: "We heard you pushed him down the stairs."
Sue: "No, you can't prove that."
Lauren, leading up to the sex tape she wants to make: "Well, Puckerman, it's your lucky day."
Puck: "You're finally gonna let me waterboard those twins?"
Lauren, on her plan for fame: "I wanna be like a Kardashian. I want a TV show and a fragrance. It'll be called 'Zizes' and the slogan will be 'You just got Zized.'"
Santana, when Brittany wants to define their relationship: "I'm not interested in labels unless it's on something I shoplift."
Brittany: "This relationship is really confusing for me."
Santana: "Breakfast is confusing for you."
Brittany: "Well, sometimes it's sweet and sometimes it's salty. Like, what if I have breakfast for dinner? What's that supposed to be?"
Santana, on her sexual identity: "I'm attracted to girls and guys. I made out with a mannequin. I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a person."
Holly: "Well, we've all been there."
Emma, at Celibacy Club: "I would just like to start by congratulating you by reminding you not one member of this club has had an unwanted pregnancy in almost a year."
Holly, explaining the meaning of "afternoon delight" to Emma: "It's about sneaking out for a nooner."
Emma: "Yes, exactly. And nooners are when you have dessert in the middle of the day, right?"
Holly, after Emma begs her not to tell Will about her unresolved feelings: "My lips are sealed. Just like your legs."
Puck, being adorable: "I like you, Lauren. I like wooing you. Next to dropping my afternoon deuce it's my favorite part of the day."
Holly, on why she's off to Shawnee Township to teach algebra: "There were some parent complaints. Apparently my cucumber demonstration made it impossible to watch 'Veggie Tales' the same way ever again. I personally thought it made watching that show hilarious."